A Leader’s Compassionate Pathway Through Trauma
When Navigating Criticism and a VUCA Marketplace, Leaders are Human Too…
This year, if you have “taken responsibility to find the potential in people or processes, and have had the courage to develop that potential”, you have probably experienced more blowback and criticism than you could have anticipated. Volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity can take a toll on the most capable leaders. The impact of a leadership role, particularly in these challenging days, may lead to anxiety and even post-traumatic stress disorder. It can feel a lot like anger, grief or trauma.
Social and emotional isolation has been one of the most difficult challenges that many of us are navigating these days. We are wired for connection. Connection, even for introverts, helps us to regulate our emotions and manage stress. For leaders, even if you have a lot of connection with people, how many people have you been able to truly share your thoughts and heart with; where YOU feel seen, heard and understood?
As I speak with leaders who are managing the daily grind of so many difficult decisions, it is clear that this isolation has lead to significant amounts of emotional pain.
How we process and experience the difficulty of isolation is very individual. What is experienced by one person as uncomfortable, may feel highly traumatic to another. There are many factors that add up to how we experience difficulty; resources, temperament, previous experiences, family of origin, etc.
Emotional pain is messy, even for extremely capable leaders.
Our bodies are mostly amazing at healing themselves. Healing emotional wounds is less straightforward.
How we see and understand our pain can add to the pain, or it can be part of the healing.
When I think of the healing work I have done when dealing with emotional wounds, like criticism, I can’t help but think of feeling lost and alone in a forest. Initially it might feel like I am alone. I have no compass, no resources and there are no obvious landmarks to safety. The weather is raging. My emotional landscape is such that I feel defined by my pain; worthless, flawed and broken. My self talk is harsh and defeating.
There is one superpower that will help me survive the experience of this kind of exposure to the elements: self-compassion.
It is self-compassion that helps me to see the raging storm of my emotions and the trees that obscure my view as wild, rugged natural beauty where I have superpowers that all flow from a reservoir that brims with love. This is a mindset.
When the weather is raging, when I am feeling isolated, imperfect, alone and hopeless, finding solace from the impact of my internal critic is the most courageous kind of permission I can give myself. My internal critic’s voice takes less of my attention when I choose to focus on truths that are compassionate.
No one can walk through this for me.
And I can ask for help.
But I need to give myself permission to do so.
Asking for help is vulnerable and it comes from a place of compassion.
Compassion has a way of multiplying. So does courage.
My commitment to compassion invites me to get curious about resources I have. Now, instead of feeling aimless, I have direction. Instead of feeling alone, I can see that there are others who will journey with me. I walk towards where there is hope and there are others who can help me see a path through the trees. We work together and see a way forward.
It’s rarely a pretty journey. It’s never easy. It is always a gift to ourselves to allow kindness to flow over the fear that comes from the feeling alone, lonely and not enough.
Reach out. It may not be the best fit the first time around, but keep trying. You’ve got this.
Remember, you are enough with no prerequisites. The self that you like, that you love, is best served when you are growing, exploring and walking with people who love and support you.
And self-compassion is the catalyst.
So, if you are looking for a different way of being because you don’t love your behaviour, your choices, your internal conversation, please reach out. I am here for you. You are worthy of love and belonging.
Your journey matters. Your health matters. You matter.