6 Questions for Reframing Difficulty
Is there something challenging or irritating that is taking up your mental, relational or emotional bandwidth right now?
The truth is that every person, at almost every time in their lives can probably identify something challenging that is taking energy. You’re not alone.
One strategy I have found useful when facing challenges, for both myself and for clients, has been the power of a reframe.
Sometimes it’s tempting to whitewash a situation and deny the difficulty. This is NOT a good reframe.
Issues that we deny end up having the power to define us. Not helpful.
A helpful reframe, however, is the ability to hold space for more than one truth. Challenges are often accompanied by something else that is true.
Social media is full of memes of one-sided true quotes that create polarity. What is lost in the brevity of many memes, however, is that often there is more than one truth than the space of a meme has room for.
We tend to embrace an “either, or” way of thinking. I’ve come to realize that rarely is one situation all bad or all good. To be clear, this is not meant for clearing up moral or ethical conflicts.
There are surprising gifts found in even the most challenging situations. What drives the discovery of the gift lies in our ability to understand the story we are telling ourselves and to set a path to tell a new, powerful story.
The human spirit can be incredibly resilient and beautiful under pressure. It takes work and practice to build the skill of reframing.
Need a reframe? Noticing that something has got you hooked is the first step to finding a new way forward. The questions and suggestions below may help you get unhooked.
1) Do I need some time between this situation and a possible reframe? Self compassion is an important resource here. Acknowledging that it may take time for a reframe to be possible is important. Self deprecating thoughts only serve to undermine our effort to reframe.
2) What is true? To get to the heart of the truth you must take time for contemplation, journalling, conversation with a compassionate friend, counsellor or coach or some other way of boiling down emotion to the reason behind the emotion.
3) What is also true? What is the flip of what you may be telling yourself? Is it possible that both are true?
4) What does the bravest version of yourself say to this challenge?
5) Can I embrace the tension of perhaps both truths being real?
6) What resources do I have for reframing the current challenging story I am living?
Here are some examples:
“I can be both brave and afraid at the same time.”
“This difficult situation is highlighting my values and areas where I want to grow.”
“I may not have had a choice about …. I do have a choice about how I will respond.”
Acknowledge the challenge and explore what is possible.
You are capable of a brave reframe.
I have upcoming workshops that help you refine skills for reframing even the stickiest situations.
My three day workshops qualify for the Canada Job Grant which covers 2/3 the cost of training for participants who meet the grant requirements.
https://www.alberta.ca/canada-alberta-job-grant
Contact me for more details.
