Your 6 Step Alternative to Over-Functioning
Do you find yourself feeling stretched beyond your limits?
Many leaders end up in their positions because they are competent in their field. As a result, there is often a tendency to believe that if we want something done right, then we have to do it ourselves or, at least, have our fingerprints on whatever is going on.
Our capacity may actually lead to an armoured response (a defence mechanism) that may not be visible to us because it is as close to us as the nose on our faces: Over-Functioning.
Let me clarify that We all put on armour at times; that armour is there as a temporary measure. Armoured leadership is reactive and is not sustainable for the long haul.
Over-functioning happens when we cannot let go of outcomes that belong to other people. It is driven by anxiety; the fear of not being or doing enough.
It has some terrible consequences….
Am I Over-Functioning?
Do these phrases sound like you?
“I have to show that I have it all together.”
“If I don’t do it, then it won’t happen.”
“What else could I do? I have no choice.”
“Do it my way, or else.”
“Can’t anyone do anything around here?”
We want to deliver exceptional results. Exceptional results are good, but over-functioning means that we do not trust others to do their part. Over-functioning inadvertently exacerbates anxiety for us and leads to a feeling of isolation and possible burnout. We may feel constantly overwhelmed and stressed from the weight we feel is on our shoulders.
Because we are all wired for connection, this armour gets in the way of the best kinds of team collaboration. Calm is a million miles away when we feel this kind of pressure.
If you are familiar with the Karpman Drama Triangle, over-functioning is associated with the Rescuer or Victim role in our mind. Those in our sphere of influence may see us as their Persecutor.
In true armour fashion, the people around us really cannot see our intention; the impact of our over-functioning can be toxic.
Does this sound like it might be an armour you have put on without realizing it?
Our over-functioning is frustrating, maybe even debilitating for those around us.
What happens to those around us when we Over-Function?
As a recovering over-functioner, I have significant regret with how my behaviour made others feel in my presence. I would ask someone to do a task, only to step in and complete it before they had an opportunity. This was entirely dis-empowering; it left me feeling swamped (I still had to do my jobs), and others feeling hurt, frustrated, and wondering how to move forward.
Have you ever worked with someone who over-functions? Did it lead you to under-function?
A great example:
A few years ago I went to a Rod Stewart concert with my sisters in Edmonton. It left a huge impression on me.
At 75, Rod Stewart sounded and moved like someone much younger than he was. Wow!
Even more amazing was how much he shared the stage with other, younger, less famous performers. He was entirely generous with sharing the spotlight! He looked and sounded better because he shared his influence and power. The result was a concert that had so much depth and variety because of his ability to share.
The fame was his AND he didn’t hoard it.
I can’t help but wonder if he shared the spotlight because hoarding it would have been too much for his voice. Did sharing the spotlight enable him to function within unknown limitations?
From my vantage point in the audience, I saw him sharing his confidence in the abilities of those he shared the stage with. He was grounded and confident. He had nothing to prove, only the joy of performing with others who were on his team!
What might this example invite you to explore?
Now what?
What happens if your team is not performing up to your standards?
Have you ever been in a rehearsal lead by a skilled conductor?
A practice lead by an intuitive coach?
Pause.
Get clear, “What do I want?” Begin with the end in mind.
Remember to notice what is going well? (Sometimes when we over-function, we tend to only see the negative)
What behaviours need to be addressed in your team? (If we can address a behaviour, then we are able to stay out of using shame as a management tool.)
Prioritize what you want to address and the best way forward.
Engage with feed-forward conversations in a way to not activate defensiveness in your team.
Letting go of the need to over-function takes time, awareness and the desire to change. On the other side of over-functioning is an experience of flow, play and creativity. This might feel like we are taking a step off of a cliff into thin air. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-JIfjNnnMA&t=57s
When we let go of the need to over-function, we invite others to also take responsibility for their role.
Imagine growing your team’s capacity so that they can look at you as being a catalyst for their highest and best work.
My three day workshops qualify for the Canada Job Grant which covers 2/3 the cost of training for participants who meet the grant requirements.
https://www.alberta.ca/canada-alberta-job-grant
Contact me for more details.
